This Game
by ReesePants
Summary: The thoughts that are going on through their heads as they sit there, looking at each other. Zack, convicted of murder and locked away from them. Hodgins, upset by it all. Hodgins/Zack slash. Rated M, just incase for later chapters.
1. Silence

**I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OR THE SHOW BONES. **

Why do you keep showing up?

You know whats going to happen, I know whats going to happen. And yet we play this game every week.

First we sit here just like this, you look at me with those eyes of yours. Those stupid eyes that got me to fall for you in the first place. Those eyes that show into the kinder side of you. That sweet side. A side that sees no wrong.

Why do you do this to me? No. Its not just you. Its her too. I thought maybe, when I got put here you'd hate me. Both of you. And yet both of you come. And I say nothing to either of you.

Why do you bother? We sit here for hours, neither of us talking. In the end you ask me that question. And I wont answer. I'll never answer. So why don't you get that? Its because of what happens with her. At least she gets a slight response out of me. She gossips. She calls me Sweetie. I don't have to explain things with her. I don't even have to talk. For if I did, she'd only get pain like you. All I do is nod sometimes, show a little emotion on my face. Something that I can't do with you. Not when your like this.

Jack. I can see it on your lips. Your eyes. Please. Don't do it. That's all I ask. I can't take this anymore. Don't ask me the question. I'm doing this to protect you. That's how I ended up here, protecting you. You know, I could have let you be the one to get hurt. No. I wouldn't even have been put into this mess if I wasn't trying to protect you. To protect you from the mess of a man you made me into.

You haunt my dreams, you know. I wake up in tears. I can still faintly feel your arms around me, Jack. I taste your lips on mine. I can still hear your voice, whispering to me. It wakes me up in the night. It breaks me apart.

Just don't do this to me. Don't break me again. I'll break this time if you ask. I can't do this anymore, to see those eyes filled with anger, at me. It always starts out the same. You act like nothing happened every week. But it always ends the same way. So please, don't make me fall apart. Because I don't think I'll be able to keep myself from falling apart in front of you this time. I've always made sure to never show that side of me in front of you. The only person to ever see me cry is Brennan. And its because I wouldn't let you get hurt.

You know, Angela told me about the two of you, how it didn't work out. And I'm sorry. But at the same time, I can't help from feeling happy. Its mean, I know. Its horrible, I know. It makes the pain stand-able though.

Did you think I would never find out? I knew before you told me. I knew you were falling in love with her. But Jack, why? You promised me that I was the only one for you. But I saw the signs. How you stopped reaching for my hand. How you turned up the radio when I got into the car, too loud to hear my voice. You were drawing away. Until you came home from your date with her. And you told me.

Don't! I'm begging you! Your curling fingers, your hands. The look in your eyes, their already going hard. Damn it Jack, don't! Please. Your reaching for that damn rubber band of yours. When did you start wearing it again? I've noticed it since you started showing up to these visits. Is it my fault?

You picked her over me. And you started pushing me away. You stopped coming over to make sure I didn't forget to eat or something. You came over because you were lonely, you just wanted to hold someone. It just happened to be me. All up until you started forgetting to pick me up in the morning for work or leave without me at night. You didn't even notice me outside of the lab. You don't know what that's like. And then the whole wedding thing. You asked me to be your best man. I couldn't. That would have been too much. To be your best man at your wedding would have killed me. But I was still there for you. I stood up there with you, but it took everything in me not to scream, to cry out. For I still could hear your words in my head.

I left soon after. And when I came back, there, for that second when you rushed over and hugged me, ruffling my hair, the slight brush of your lips against my cheek, I just hoped it meant something, anything. But it didn't. Nothing had changed in the end. For the two of your were still together. And slowly, things became the same once more. It was too much.

I was an easy target. I was already a wreck when he showed up. He promised me things. And you never noticed when I would sneak out at night. Damn it, you didn't even notice when a car pulled up and I left with them. I didn't want to join him. I didn't have a choice at first. You don't know what that fear was like. But in the end, he convinced me. Maybe because I thought I wouldn't be missed if something were to happen.

Your going to ask why I did it. How I could do this to you, you'll ask. But did you ever think, for a second, that maybe it wasn't my fault. I didn't do it you know. I never killed anyone. You should know this without me telling you. I thought you knew me. But you really don't anymore. You blame me, this, for how your world has been falling apart.

"Zack. Why? How could you do this? Damn it. What the hells wrong with you?! You screwed everything up! Did you even think? Your supposed to be smart, but that's bullshit, isn't it?!"

You just pushed yourself to your feet. I saw it coming. It happens every time. You're glaring at me. The anger... I can feel it in the air. No... I don't even have to look in your eyes to know.

What? My eyes are watering... I don't know what else to do, so I dropped my head. I've never had this happen before. I knew it would happen, but still. I was just hoping...

"Hodgins... Please. Just stop. I can't do this anymore... I c-can't... You don't understand what its like to live with this. Do you know what its like to want to just end everything...?"

I feel your eyes on me. Your shocked. I haven't talked in so long, I guess it is a big thing, even if it was that. Even though I stutter like an idiot, that a sob is choking at my words.

What the hell is wrong with me? Am I really losing it? I feel your arms around me. But that can't be right. Is this just a dream? Will I wake up soon only to have to live through this hell again? It can't be right. I must have just missed your footsteps leaving.

You know, I wrecked my hands for you. I knew what would happen if you were the one to do it. I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if I had let you get hurt. I guess he never got a total hold on me. But, it seems like I'm really losing it now. Maybe... Maybe I am in the right place.

"Hey... Don't cry Zack." I have to be hearing this. Its in my head, right? Just like your arms. As soon as I open my eyes, it'll all be gone again.

I reach my arms out, trying to hold on to this moment. I don't want it to end.

But wait, what did I hit? It can't be... I pulled my eyes open once more. It was true... He was really here. For once, it wasn't a dream. And I wasn't going to be the one to let go. I needed this moment.

"Never, do you hear me, never think like that. I'll never forgive you for it, got it? Your not leaving me." His words just bring more tears to my eyes. Those words... Jack, they can't be true. You were just so upset. I thought... Why don't you hate me?


	2. Holding Close

**I DO NOT OWN THE CHARACTERS OR THE SHOW BONES.**

**Hodgins' POV.**

King of the Lab.

I cling to those words. No one understands it. Who am I competing with now that your gone?

King of the Lab. Its the only thing I have of you that isn't locked away or gathering dust.

Zack, why the hell do you always get me so angry?! How can you just sit there and ignore me like that! Don't you know what your doing to me? Don't you care about me anymore?

That day, when you destroyed your hands, do you know how scared I was? Do you know what it was like for me to see you laying there, your hands sticking up, bloody. And you weren't making a sound, just shaking, a look of terror on your face. I didn't know what to think. I blamed myself for what happened. After all, I had to have done something wrong. I still play those events of that whole mess in my head, Zack.

_"Zack. Why? How could you do this? Damn it. What the hells wrong with you?! You screwed everything up! Did you even think? Your supposed to be smart, but that's bullshit, isn't it?!" _

Damn it! I lost my temper again. It always happens. I over think that day and I loose it. Even snapping the rubber band around my wrist isn't helping with that anymore. The rubber band method you made me stop those years ago. You said it upset you, to see the red, swollen marks on my wrist.

I'm on my feet. I need to get out of here. Last thing I need is to get too pissed off and end up doing something I'll regret later. Or rather. More so then what I'll feel for losing my temper.

Zack? Wait. Something isn't right. I know there isn't. What are you trying to hide?

_"Hodgins... Please. Just stop. I can't do this anymore... I c-can't... You don't understand what its like to live with this. Do you know what its like to want to just end everything...?" _

Those words. It makes me stop in my tracks to hear your voice once again. And my eyes are stuck to you. Could it really be your voice this time? I always think I hear it as I turn to walk away from you, whispering to me. But this was different.

Zack... Damn it Zack. Don't talk like that. Please. I can't seem to get enough air in as I finally get my feet to move once more. And I'm at your side.

My hands are shaking as I reach out and pull you into me. I brush my lips against the top of you head. No Zack. Please. Never say that again. If I were to lose you, even from this once a week visit, I wouldn't be able to go on.

_"Hey... Don't cry Zack."_

I know how much I hurt you Zack. I saw it. And yet it happened anyways. I was greedy. I already had you, and yet, Angela was there. She brought something else out of me. And what was between her and me... It was different. But Zack. The love I had for her, it wasn't the same. And for some reason I was blind to the one that meant more to me by such greed. Zack. I didn't notice until you were gone.

Zack. I've never seen you cry. Never. I've seen you upset, mad, scared, happy, and whatever else. But never to the point to bring tears. It scares me. Did I upset you that bad?

I feel your own arms holding onto me so desperately. I have to do my best to keep myself from falling apart. Your hurting too, aren't you? Why...? Why did you let it become like this Zack? But that's not important right now. Just promise me that you wont do anything. Don't leave me.

_"Never, do you hear me, never think like that. I'll never forgive you for it, got it? Your not leaving me."_ My own voice is shaking as I say this. Damn it. I should be the stronger one right now. But I'm scared. To hear such words of you wanting to end it all. To end your life. If I were never to see you smile again...

Why wont you answer? I feel breathing soften slightly, but its not an answer. Zack, talk to me. Please. Don't retreat into yourself again. Don't tease me with just a hint of your voice. If those were the only words you ever say to me again, I wont be able to forgive you.

"Jack, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't stronger. I'm sorry I let this happen." Its muffled, but its something. Its enough to relax me, to take the edge of it all away. Its enough to bring a slight smile to my face.

"Zack, don't go there right now. We have time to talk it over. But for now... Just shut up." I can't help to hysterical laugh in my voice. Why do I beg to hear your voice so much when you go and say things like this? But thats you. Its always been the way you have been.

But just for this moment, let me hold you. I've missed it so much. No one else's body fits into mine like yours does.


	3. Guilt

**So. So so so sorry for not having this up sooner, I've written this three times now and have had tons of ideas of what could happen next. But I think this one is the right now. -crossesfingers-**

**I want to thank everyone who has favorited this story and reviewed it! Keep it coming, they tend to get me writing more. **

**Anyways. Zack's POV.**

**I do not own Bones or the characters of it. **

**-----**

"Zack, you know your driving Sweets totally crazy. He keeps coming to me and complaining. Which has brought me to complain to you." I can't help the slight smile that comes to my face at your words as we find ourselves in our normal places with a table between us.

"How so? I answer his questions." I state this simply, blinking ever so slightly, but the smile sticks which makes you laugh.

"Because you show no guilt." The laughter has stopped. And you look at me with those eyes that break my heart. Even though your not mad, your still judging me. Why should I feel guilt when I never killed? But you don't know this fact, Jack. And I plan on keeping it that way. You'd fight for a lighter sentence that I don't deserve.

You raise an eyebrow as I don't answer. Shit Hodgins. You got to stop doing that. How uneasy you make me. How you make me want to tell you the truth.

"I just... don't. I know it was wrong. But I did what I was asked." And that is the truth, just while leaving out the main facts. Its not something I normally do. I always put in the facts. But, I guess after recent events had changed all that.

"Zack..." Your voice. Its clearly uneasy and I have to look away. Its truly heart breaking. And it makes the pain in my hands hurt even more.

"Please Hodgins. Please. Just... drop it..." I cannot do this. I really can't. To disappoint you, it hurts.

And we sit here in silence for a few moments, not looking at each other. Or rather, me not looking at you.

And you ruffle my hair before pulling my chin up, making me look up. As much as you know how much I hate it, you do it. And all I can do is let it happen.

I hate this. I hate all the hiding, the lying. I wish things could go back to how they were before. But that wont happen. It can't happen. I made my choice without even knowing it. And now I have to live with it.

"I know your hiding something Zack. I've known you for too long and better then anyone else. But I wont make you tell me right now. Just... Promise me you will, at some point."

I try to answer but you wont let me. You do the one thing that always shuts me up. You put your lips against my skin, though my forehead this time. But even so I feel myself froze in place, finding it hard to catch my breath. The pain in my hands seemed to melt, even just for a moment though, as ridiculous as it sounds.

By the time I had could respond again though, you were walking from the room, leaving me alone and with my mouth open as I tried to find words that couldn't be said.

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**I know. Short. TT_TT After such a long time of leaving you with nothing. But I'm already getting ideas for the next chapter, so it really shouldn't be as long this time loves. **

**Reviews are loved and will keep me working. xD**


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